Book(s) of the Day

Lord of the Rings!

I've never read them, a fact which I realize a few weeks ago. I'm a big advocate of read the books before watching the movies but unfortunately I've seen the movies . I've even read "The Hobbit" a while ago and enjoyed it. I'm a little confused why I didn't pick up the Trilogy sooner but now I'm starting it. Reading the initial pages, I fell like I will enjoy the books but we'll see. 

I'm still moving (slowly) through "The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" and wish it would just be sunny outside this weekend/afternoon so I can sit outside and just read. (Rain, though it should be incentive to read, often pulls me to the computer). 

I've also gained a desire to reread a lot of books. There were so many books that I have read, loved, and never picked up again (especially books for school).  And, reading books I like a second time is always awesome. It's basically like reading a book you haven't picked up before but knowing you will like it (plus knowing the ending). 

Until next time,

K

Being Happy (part 1)

Things to do:
1. Be happy

So, I've had a change of heart (or rather change of perception), and I've decided to be happy. It's not like I was trying to be unhappy, and I know most people don't just 'decide' they are going to be happy but I think I did. There is just no reason, for me, to be sad. Yes, some things could be better. There could be less of this, and more of that, But, in perspective, I'm young, it's summer, I'm getting paid to do really cool research, I get to be wacky and weird and see my best friends all the time, I get to write and jam out to music everyday. How could I not be happy?

It's best for your health to be happy. Stress takes years away from your life and who doesn't want to try to live into their hundreds? I know I sure do.

My current plan for being happy, though I really don't think about it like 'a plan', it more just happens:
1) people are stupid/annoying/rude/can't drive to save their lives
solution: laugh, smile, shake your head (either only in your head, silently, or out loud *if you are in your car for example). Don't get annoyed, just laugh it off. I've found, my own laugh makes me laugh so it's a good positive feedback loop.

2) Surround myself with positive things (that includes thoughts in your head)
I know I have triggers--websites, books, songs, people, that just don't make me very happy. So, I've decrease their role in my life. I've basically cut out facebook because I've found that no matter how happy I am, when I start scrolling through other people's lives I have a tendency to get sad or lonely. So why do it?
I'm my own worst critic, so I've dialed back the self criticisms. My weight's not great, but I'm eating healthier and doing exercise so why beat myself up over it?
Writing, listening to music and tumblr make me quite happy, so they have become daily activities.
Blasting music and singing like crazy makes me insanely happy. So, every time I get in the car you can bet the music will be turned on and my voice will be heard. (Today it was slightly raining, but there I was: windows down, song playing, singing along and smiling. I think one guy I was sitting next to in traffic was chuckling at me but I just smiled back at him and carried on with my singing. Because, why not?

3) Don't do things that don't make me happy
Though there are some exceptions (like waking up at 7am), it's a good rule. I sometimes will do things (like go to a party or some social event) because I feel obligated but why do that when I could be, say, sitting on the bleachers with my best friend? Usually these things that I feel like I have to do are minute and insignificant but still, cutting them out makes me, at least, feel better.

4) Switching things up
Three quarters of my day is set, and there really isn't anything I can do about that. I have to drive to work, be at work, then drive home. I can't really take a different route, so it's the same thing every day. I change that up with music and looking around at the people in the car's around me. BUT, I do have a say in what I do once I pull into the driveway, and not doing the same thing five days a week really makes a difference.

5) Making time for friends
Being tired after work decreased my desire to go out when I got home. But, seeing my friends is always fun and I can sleep when I'm old.

6) Smiling randomly
If I realize I'm lost in thought I will just start smiling and lightly laughing and think about things I'm looking forward too or recent adventures or anything happy.

A recommended song: Gone in the Morning by Newton Faulker

Until next time,
K

Ends of Friendships

Friendships.

I'm going to say a time old truth, I love my friends. Whether they be my childhood best friends (15 years and counting) or my college best friends who I know I will be friends with for the rest of our lives or the friends that I see once in a year parties solely because we have close mutual friends. I couldn't get through life without them. And one of the hardest things is losing a friend.

It's not particularly a topic I enjoy talking about, or even thinking about. It's just sad to think someone you haven't talked to in years used to your other half or a person you spent a majority of your days with. But summer means a few nights going through memory boxes and "facebook friends", which makes me nostalgic and contemplate all the friends I've lost touch with.

I've only ever moved once and my 'old house' is only about 30 minutes from my current one. However,    each summer since I was probably 14, I've done something away from home (camps, a college course, volunteering, a conference, etc.) that has brought me together with some really amazing people. Within the 3 or so weeks I was away at the new place, I would make really great friends. We would become inseparable and swear to never lose contact because we loved each other and, at the time, couldn't imagine going back to our real lives and not keeping in touch. (I always seemed to make friends that lived no where near where I lived, so visiting each other wasn't really an option). We would cry as we said goodbye, and, on average, we would be really close for a few months after we got home, then by a year and a half later, we would just be 'facebook' friends. There are a few exceptions, however, for the most part that trend holds true. It's sad. I understand gaining and losing friends is a fact of life, but that doesn't keep it from hurting, a lot. To my close friends I would mention how much I missed my newfound 'besties', but I don't think they ever understood what that meant. Other than if their parents were in the military (and moved around a lot), most of my friends had grown up in our area, with the same people, since age 4. It wasn't until graduation (and the months/year after it) that most of the people I knew felt that unfortunate feeling of losing touch with friends.

I've also been slightly unlucky with people moving away. I can count over 6 best friends I've had that moved away (and never 30 minutes in the same state, it was always long distances). And that distance was the only reason we aren't still best friends (because in all honesty, before you can travel on your own, it's quite hard to keep up friendships that require travelling. But in all honesty, while I still smile fondly at all those friends when I see they are doing something cool in college or when I go through picture albums, I might not be best friends with the girls I am today if it wasn't for people moving away and I can't imagine my life without my closest friends.

Unfortunately, even with all the goodbyes I've said, it's still hard (in the moment) to realize which goodbyes are (sadly) forever. Those goodbyes that signal  the last time we will be that close, the last time we would love each other as much as we do, the last time we would be anything more than acquaintances.  However, I think in the back of my mind, in my subconscious  I understand this fact. and that's why I would cry when I got on the plane home, or, as we hugged on the final day of camp/class. and maybe that's why my friends would cry, because they knew that sad fact.

With all this, it's also made me think about how people change. Sometimes  close friends just aren't similar anymore. I'm young and I don't completely know who I am or who I want to be yet. This time is all about change and sometimes personal changes mean leaving your old self behind, and thus, growing out of some friendships. Often times, this leaves room for new friends. It's the ebb and flow of friendships.

This knowledge makes hold onto my current friendships tightly. I realize that no matter how close you are, sometimes distance or time or personality changes or just life doesn't work out and friendships fade so make the most of them when you can. I've tried to decide if that is cynical, but it's not. I'm not saying all friendships will fade, there will be some that last your entire lifetime and others that will last for a few years.

This is a tangent from 'friendships ending'. So, I have a best friend who is one of the coolest people I've ever met and I know will do amazing things in her line of work. But I know after college, we probably won't be living in the same city or the same state. Actually, I'm very sure we will be at least 6 states away from each other. And it's scary to think of all the paths a friendships can take. I want our friendship to stay as it is, because we're a really good pair. But that friendships lies in our hometown. Through elementary school, middle school, high school, and college it will live and breath there. But after college, it won't have that common ground anymore, other than planned visits home for vacation. So what does that mean? How will we see each other? Will we become less close because we only see each other a few times a year? And while my head can panic and worry about losing her, I've decided worrying is not worth it. And here's why. When you have independence (when you can drive, or travel by yourself, or live on your own, or support yourself), and are more grown up, friendships are stronger and have more meaning, and, if this makes sense, they are easier to fight for. So, if we're feeling like we haven't talked in forever, we can skype, we can hop on a bus and meet half way, we can call or text or send letters. End of tangent.

All in all, I kind of wish all my experience with goodbyes might have made me slightly hardened/callus to them, but it hasn't. I'll still cry at goodbyes (even when I'm 99% sure they are not forever). I still hug the bejeezus out of people that I haven't seen in a while. I still think about friends I've lost touch with. Though I could go on, I'm done thinking about this topic for a while.

Until next time,
K 

Summer Bucket-lists and Life

I love summer. I also love fall and winter (don't ask me why but I'm not a big fan of spring), and (at least during the season) I love summer the most. Granted, I'm probably biased because summer means no school. Now that the real world is starting to creep up into my life, the relaxed summer days I love so much have been a little more scarce but that just increases my love for them.

Summer 2013.

It's begun. Well, it began a while ago but still. One thing I didn't do was create my "summer bucketlist". For the past 3 years I've created a list of things to do. And you know what? I never do most of the things on it. I used to think I was just boring and didn't do those things because I was lazy, or not social enough, or some other fault. But I've started to change my tune. It wasn't because I was any of those things (though yes, I do get lazy during the summer, and I'm not always as social as I should be). It was because my lists sucked. They were one stupid idea after another, with maybe one or two intelligent ideas stuck in here and there.

From my lists over the years:
"Draw with chalk on elementary school playground" Why would I go to a blacktop in the middle of the day (which would be blazing hot) to draw with chalk? Come on brain, you should know better.
"Wear a free hugs shirt for a week"
"Take a gnome from my friends house, take pictures with it where ever I go. Return it after a few weeks with pictures." That's creepy. Even though I was probably thinking about a close friend, that's still weird to take someone else things and take pictures of you with that borrowed item. The best part is A)I thought I would do this and B) I didn't come up with this one, I found it on a 'bucket-list' site somewhere.
"Wear mismatching, weird clothes out in public." Why past self, why? It's one thing to be confident, it's another to over express your weird jeans (get it, instead of 'genes' I wrote jeans, because we're talking about clothes. I'm actually slightly amused by my wit).
"Run down the street, yelling "the british are coming, the british are coming". Another one found online.
"Rawr at people".
"Be silent for a day". I still kind of want to do this. Just to see what's it's like to not speak for an entire 24 hours.

See, these things are just not good bucket-list material. And the worst part is, I thought they were good ideas and then I'd get to the end of the summer and had only crossed a few things off my list, which made my slightly disappointed. This is why I've come to the conclusion that summer bucket-lists (for me at least) are silly.

Who needs another list? I've been thinking recently about how much planning goes on in my head, how many checklists I run through each day, and it's impressively sad. I have all the things I have to do today. Then the things that have to be done by the end of the week. Then the things that need to be done 'soon'. The things before school starts. The things to get into grad school. The things to get me a paying job one day. Then this, then that. My life is not a checklist. I can't write this list, eventually check everything off and then I'm done. Well, I could do that but what a sad life that would be. I like being organized, I like being early to places, I like being in control, but that's not always an option in life. I don't want to know what the next 10 years of my life will look like, because if everything went according to my plan (the plan that the teenage me created), I'm sure I'd miss out on so much. I was listening to college graduation speeches the other day and, though I can't remember who said it, I remember them saying something along the lines of "the best things in life happen when you veer off the planned route". They weren't talking about a road trip or a journey in a new city where you get lost because you haven't found your way around. They were talking about life, and how things don't always work out, or don't work out the way you expected them to, but that divergence away from your original plan may lead to the best things in your life. The point being, there is such a thing as too much planning. And, in my current opinion, bucket-lists are part of that overplanning. Yes, it's good to have ideas of new things you want to do but they don't need to be confined to written down, nicely labeled list. I feel like if there are things I really want to try or do, I will remember them.

As I said, when I didn't cross all (or many) of the things off my lists I was slightly sad. I shouldn't have been, because it was probably best that I didn't do those bucket-list ideas, but I still was. This leads me to point that lists are confining. This might be just me but I know there were times, during past summers, when I would look at my list, have no desire to do any of those things, and so I wouldn't do anything. That might have just been the summer kicking in, but I think that, at the time, I felt that if all my ideas were on the list,  nothing else was worth doing, because if it had been, I would have written it down.

That being said (without thinking to indepthly on the subject of life), they are fun, silly things to do, especially when you have an entire summer without any major plans. I remember back in high school a few friends senior year create this bucket-list of things to do before graduation. I'll have to ask them how that went, last I remember (a few weeks before graduation) they weren't anywhere near done. I'd advise (if I have any right to advise on bucket-lists, which I probably don't) making a list that comes from your own head, that way there is more inclination to actually complete it because at one point or another you wanted to 'go in a hot air balloon' or 'walk through a drive-thru'.

Geez. That was definitely not the thought path I had envisioned when I titled this post (originally "summer, summer, summer") but I've been thinking a lot about life and I guess 'bucket-lists' were the backdrop on which my brain wanted to convey these thoughts. Maybe next time I'll actually write about my love for summer...

Until next time,
K

Day in the Life of an Intern

Since my job is 95 percent of my life right now, I've decided to write about it.

6:45am--wake up. Though I could sleep until 7:10, I've figured out that I'm more tired if I just get up early rather than drifting in and out of sleep until 7:10

7:30-7:40---turn on my ipod, make sure my badge is in the car, take off my shoes (I've found that driving without shoes (when I'm wearing flats for the day) is more comfortable, drive for 35-45 minutes

8:25(ish)--swipe into the lab, put my lunch away, turn on the computer,

8:30 to noon or 1: Check my cells (to see if they are ready to be passaged), which requires lab coat, gloves, and being completely awake. Check my email and, if I've was running any sequencing programs over night, check to see if they are done. Currently I usually stay at my computer until 10ish, working on my protein structure research, dealing with Macvector being stupid and closing unexpectedly and my sequencing/structure programs coming back with low confidence rates which requires me, and another woman, to find a new approach.
My other research resides in the lab, and currently we are simply creating the DNA to be experimented with. This leads to me doing PCR, incubation, centrifuging, and washing of the DNA, while being supervised sometimes which is quite nerve-wracking  The man I'm working with is super nice, but doing any task (let alone pipetting tiny amounts of liquids) while being watched is stressful. Plus, I'm an intern, so I'm (in my head) having to prove myself each day. With the lab work currently, there is a lot of waiting, which gives me time to work on my other research (the protein structure).

Around 12 or 1: lunch

until 5: either lab work or computer research. Each day is impressively different (making just that more stressful because I don't know what to expect, even after a month of working here), but it also makes it interesting.

5-5:10--walk through the hospital building (the main building at my work) to get to my car, say hello to the parking attendant (who is the nicest guy) as I pay the parking fee

5:10 to 5:50/6--driving. again, take the shoes off, roll down the windows, blast music, stay in the far lanes so I don't get killed by the nuts drivers driving on the 8 lane highway I take to/from work.

5:50/6: change out of work attire. I'm happy that I don't have to dress professional everyday! Jeans and nice shirts, or just t-shirts, or cardigans are what everyone wears. But still, it's june and while the lab isn't warm, walking to get to my car/sitting in my car gets hot with jeans on.

6-6:30--*on a good day*--biking, or running, or doing some sort of exercise  (I'm determined to go to the pool at least once after work but I'm not sure that will happen.

6:45 or 7: dinner, walking the dog, tv, tumblr/netflix, writing on this blog
(or go out with friends)

10: sleep.

and repeat.

Yes, I have begun to appreciate the weekends a lot more.

Until next time,
K

Book(s) of the day

It's absolutely gorgeous outside, it's sunny, 75 (which for nine o'clock means its going to be a hot day but still) and there is a slight breeze. If only I could spend the day at the beach or just reading by the pool and tanning and (since I don't tan well, aka I feel like I'm burning after two seconds) just reading to my hearts delight. I have work so that isn't going to happen. But if I was free I would probably be reading "Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance" or, possibly my newly acquired book of short stories by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

"Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance" is a book I've started twice. Not because it wasn't good, just because it never seems to end up on my 'summer must read list', so when summer comes around I start going through my list of books and always seem to forget about this one. This is a mistake on my part because this book is really good. I'm only 65 pages in so I don't have that much to judge on but it's very different from what I'm used to ready. Basically, the book is narrated by a man, who is going on a motorcycle trip with his two married friends and his son. The story is about his trip, but also he talks about the different perspectives of life and different ways of approaching life and the things (such as technology) that are part of life. I can't describe much more than that but I can say this book has influenced my way of thinking.

It might be because its the summer and summer is like my New Years day and I make resolutions for summer, or it could be it's just be coincidence but I've started what I call my 'new zen way of thinking". Mostly this entails not stressing as much (ultimate goal to not stress), not worrying about the future, doing things that make me happy, trying new things and not letting one task (like school work) take over my life. Whether or not the book 100% inspired my new thinking, I don't know. But regardless, it made me think about how I go about life, and that, I believe, means its a good book. (oh and it's not really about motorcycle maintenance. Believe me, I'm not a mechanically thinking type of person so if it was I'd be running and screaming the other direction haha). 

I'm ever seeking to find new F. Scott Fitzgerald's writings, since I have read all his books and many of his short stories. I found a new book that compiles some of his stories (that I haven't read) and it gives the original scripts (not the ones that were actually found in the Evening Post. I'm ecstatic to read it, though at my current rate of book reading, I won't get to it until August. I already know that I will love the stories because Fitzgerald knows how to write. I may be biased because I've loved his writing since 10th grade but still.

Until next time,
K

Things To Do (Part 1)

Why I've decided visiting my old school's bleachers at night is one of the best things to do when bored.

Yes, there are a few disclaimers. Don't break in. My high school's bleachers are easy to access and don't require finding unlocked doors that are supposed to be locked or jumping over fences. If it's considered trespassing, maybe reconsider. I, personally, think that it's 100% fine to visit the bleachers of your high school or college and one should not get in trouble for doing so. Police might have a different opinion. But really, if you are sober and not vandalizing or causing a noise disturbance, my bet is that the law enforcers (if, for some reason, they decided to patrol bleachers at night...) would just say go home. Also, if it's 'sketchy' or creepy, just be aware of your surroundings.

That being said, I have found a new love of chilling on bleachers at night. I think the original reason I convinced my friends it was fun to hang out at our old high school at night was because it makes me feel like I'm in a movie (like 'Perks of Being a Wallflower' or some 80s movie). And really, who doesn't want to feel like they are in a movie? I mean, it just sounds like something kids who were too-cool-for-school would do. And since I'm the opposite of too cool for school, it's fun feeling like someone else.

It's also something new and different. I live in the suburban part of a metropolitan area (aka outside of a city) and impressively, there is not much to do, especially at night. I feel like that is the case for most "young adults" (yes, I did just called myself a young adult and yes, I am chuckling at how weird that sounds) no matter where you live. So whenever my friends say 'what are we going to do?' I say 'I have an idea!' Granted I will only go with close friends. Currently, the football field at my old high school is being renovated, so pretty much the only thing to do is sit and talk on the bleachers (which, if with the wrong people, can get boring quite fast). If the field wasn't 55% mud right now, I could (and would) act like a five year old and do cartwheels or spin around in circles or just lay on the grass looking at the stars.

But, nonetheless, just sitting and talking is nice. It's a quiet, tranquil setting to either be goofy with my best friends or actually talk about important things. Plus, while I like being around people, sometimes its nice to be somewhere where there are only one or two other people. I have run into a few other people at the bleachers. Most of them were runners doing a late night run around the track, and the others were just groups of high school and early college kids just stopping by for a bit. But for the most part there are none.

I love being outside, but in the summer if I'm not near some source of water I can swim in, I'm usually not a happy camper. It's just too hot and too humid. In addition to my work, I just don't go outside and much as I would like. Bleachers are outside, and at 8 to 12 at night, it wavers between warm and cool, there are no bugs (gnats, mosquitos, etc) and the moon, when not hidden by clouds, is quite pretty.

Oh, and sitting high up in the bleachers is a must.

Until next time,
K