I'm going to say a time old truth, I love my friends. Whether they be my childhood best friends (15 years and counting) or my college best friends who I know I will be friends with for the rest of our lives or the friends that I see once in a year parties solely because we have close mutual friends. I couldn't get through life without them. And one of the hardest things is losing a friend.
It's not particularly a topic I enjoy talking about, or even thinking about. It's just sad to think someone you haven't talked to in years used to your other half or a person you spent a majority of your days with. But summer means a few nights going through memory boxes and "facebook friends", which makes me nostalgic and contemplate all the friends I've lost touch with.
I've only ever moved once and my 'old house' is only about 30 minutes from my current one. However, each summer since I was probably 14, I've done something away from home (camps, a college course, volunteering, a conference, etc.) that has brought me together with some really amazing people. Within the 3 or so weeks I was away at the new place, I would make really great friends. We would become inseparable and swear to never lose contact because we loved each other and, at the time, couldn't imagine going back to our real lives and not keeping in touch. (I always seemed to make friends that lived no where near where I lived, so visiting each other wasn't really an option). We would cry as we said goodbye, and, on average, we would be really close for a few months after we got home, then by a year and a half later, we would just be 'facebook' friends. There are a few exceptions, however, for the most part that trend holds true. It's sad. I understand gaining and losing friends is a fact of life, but that doesn't keep it from hurting, a lot. To my close friends I would mention how much I missed my newfound 'besties', but I don't think they ever understood what that meant. Other than if their parents were in the military (and moved around a lot), most of my friends had grown up in our area, with the same people, since age 4. It wasn't until graduation (and the months/year after it) that most of the people I knew felt that unfortunate feeling of losing touch with friends.
I've also been slightly unlucky with people moving away. I can count over 6 best friends I've had that moved away (and never 30 minutes in the same state, it was always long distances). And that distance was the only reason we aren't still best friends (because in all honesty, before you can travel on your own, it's quite hard to keep up friendships that require travelling. But in all honesty, while I still smile fondly at all those friends when I see they are doing something cool in college or when I go through picture albums, I might not be best friends with the girls I am today if it wasn't for people moving away and I can't imagine my life without my closest friends.
Unfortunately, even with all the goodbyes I've said, it's still hard (in the moment) to realize which goodbyes are (sadly) forever. Those goodbyes that signal the last time we will be that close, the last time we would love each other as much as we do, the last time we would be anything more than acquaintances. However, I think in the back of my mind, in my subconscious I understand this fact. and that's why I would cry when I got on the plane home, or, as we hugged on the final day of camp/class. and maybe that's why my friends would cry, because they knew that sad fact.
With all this, it's also made me think about how people change. Sometimes close friends just aren't similar anymore. I'm young and I don't completely know who I am or who I want to be yet. This time is all about change and sometimes personal changes mean leaving your old self behind, and thus, growing out of some friendships. Often times, this leaves room for new friends. It's the ebb and flow of friendships.
This knowledge makes hold onto my current friendships tightly. I realize that no matter how close you are, sometimes distance or time or personality changes or just life doesn't work out and friendships fade so make the most of them when you can. I've tried to decide if that is cynical, but it's not. I'm not saying all friendships will fade, there will be some that last your entire lifetime and others that will last for a few years.
This is a tangent from 'friendships ending'. So, I have a best friend who is one of the coolest people I've ever met and I know will do amazing things in her line of work. But I know after college, we probably won't be living in the same city or the same state. Actually, I'm very sure we will be at least 6 states away from each other. And it's scary to think of all the paths a friendships can take. I want our friendship to stay as it is, because we're a really good pair. But that friendships lies in our hometown. Through elementary school, middle school, high school, and college it will live and breath there. But after college, it won't have that common ground anymore, other than planned visits home for vacation. So what does that mean? How will we see each other? Will we become less close because we only see each other a few times a year? And while my head can panic and worry about losing her, I've decided worrying is not worth it. And here's why. When you have independence (when you can drive, or travel by yourself, or live on your own, or support yourself), and are more grown up, friendships are stronger and have more meaning, and, if this makes sense, they are easier to fight for. So, if we're feeling like we haven't talked in forever, we can skype, we can hop on a bus and meet half way, we can call or text or send letters. End of tangent.
All in all, I kind of wish all my experience with goodbyes might have made me slightly hardened/callus to them, but it hasn't. I'll still cry at goodbyes (even when I'm 99% sure they are not forever). I still hug the bejeezus out of people that I haven't seen in a while. I still think about friends I've lost touch with. Though I could go on, I'm done thinking about this topic for a while.
Until next time,
K
It's not particularly a topic I enjoy talking about, or even thinking about. It's just sad to think someone you haven't talked to in years used to your other half or a person you spent a majority of your days with. But summer means a few nights going through memory boxes and "facebook friends", which makes me nostalgic and contemplate all the friends I've lost touch with.
I've only ever moved once and my 'old house' is only about 30 minutes from my current one. However, each summer since I was probably 14, I've done something away from home (camps, a college course, volunteering, a conference, etc.) that has brought me together with some really amazing people. Within the 3 or so weeks I was away at the new place, I would make really great friends. We would become inseparable and swear to never lose contact because we loved each other and, at the time, couldn't imagine going back to our real lives and not keeping in touch. (I always seemed to make friends that lived no where near where I lived, so visiting each other wasn't really an option). We would cry as we said goodbye, and, on average, we would be really close for a few months after we got home, then by a year and a half later, we would just be 'facebook' friends. There are a few exceptions, however, for the most part that trend holds true. It's sad. I understand gaining and losing friends is a fact of life, but that doesn't keep it from hurting, a lot. To my close friends I would mention how much I missed my newfound 'besties', but I don't think they ever understood what that meant. Other than if their parents were in the military (and moved around a lot), most of my friends had grown up in our area, with the same people, since age 4. It wasn't until graduation (and the months/year after it) that most of the people I knew felt that unfortunate feeling of losing touch with friends.
I've also been slightly unlucky with people moving away. I can count over 6 best friends I've had that moved away (and never 30 minutes in the same state, it was always long distances). And that distance was the only reason we aren't still best friends (because in all honesty, before you can travel on your own, it's quite hard to keep up friendships that require travelling. But in all honesty, while I still smile fondly at all those friends when I see they are doing something cool in college or when I go through picture albums, I might not be best friends with the girls I am today if it wasn't for people moving away and I can't imagine my life without my closest friends.
Unfortunately, even with all the goodbyes I've said, it's still hard (in the moment) to realize which goodbyes are (sadly) forever. Those goodbyes that signal the last time we will be that close, the last time we would love each other as much as we do, the last time we would be anything more than acquaintances. However, I think in the back of my mind, in my subconscious I understand this fact. and that's why I would cry when I got on the plane home, or, as we hugged on the final day of camp/class. and maybe that's why my friends would cry, because they knew that sad fact.
With all this, it's also made me think about how people change. Sometimes close friends just aren't similar anymore. I'm young and I don't completely know who I am or who I want to be yet. This time is all about change and sometimes personal changes mean leaving your old self behind, and thus, growing out of some friendships. Often times, this leaves room for new friends. It's the ebb and flow of friendships.
This knowledge makes hold onto my current friendships tightly. I realize that no matter how close you are, sometimes distance or time or personality changes or just life doesn't work out and friendships fade so make the most of them when you can. I've tried to decide if that is cynical, but it's not. I'm not saying all friendships will fade, there will be some that last your entire lifetime and others that will last for a few years.
This is a tangent from 'friendships ending'. So, I have a best friend who is one of the coolest people I've ever met and I know will do amazing things in her line of work. But I know after college, we probably won't be living in the same city or the same state. Actually, I'm very sure we will be at least 6 states away from each other. And it's scary to think of all the paths a friendships can take. I want our friendship to stay as it is, because we're a really good pair. But that friendships lies in our hometown. Through elementary school, middle school, high school, and college it will live and breath there. But after college, it won't have that common ground anymore, other than planned visits home for vacation. So what does that mean? How will we see each other? Will we become less close because we only see each other a few times a year? And while my head can panic and worry about losing her, I've decided worrying is not worth it. And here's why. When you have independence (when you can drive, or travel by yourself, or live on your own, or support yourself), and are more grown up, friendships are stronger and have more meaning, and, if this makes sense, they are easier to fight for. So, if we're feeling like we haven't talked in forever, we can skype, we can hop on a bus and meet half way, we can call or text or send letters. End of tangent.
All in all, I kind of wish all my experience with goodbyes might have made me slightly hardened/callus to them, but it hasn't. I'll still cry at goodbyes (even when I'm 99% sure they are not forever). I still hug the bejeezus out of people that I haven't seen in a while. I still think about friends I've lost touch with. Though I could go on, I'm done thinking about this topic for a while.
Until next time,
K
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