Book(s) of the Day

Lord of the Rings!

I've never read them, a fact which I realize a few weeks ago. I'm a big advocate of read the books before watching the movies but unfortunately I've seen the movies . I've even read "The Hobbit" a while ago and enjoyed it. I'm a little confused why I didn't pick up the Trilogy sooner but now I'm starting it. Reading the initial pages, I fell like I will enjoy the books but we'll see. 

I'm still moving (slowly) through "The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" and wish it would just be sunny outside this weekend/afternoon so I can sit outside and just read. (Rain, though it should be incentive to read, often pulls me to the computer). 

I've also gained a desire to reread a lot of books. There were so many books that I have read, loved, and never picked up again (especially books for school).  And, reading books I like a second time is always awesome. It's basically like reading a book you haven't picked up before but knowing you will like it (plus knowing the ending). 

Until next time,

K

Being Happy (part 1)

Things to do:
1. Be happy

So, I've had a change of heart (or rather change of perception), and I've decided to be happy. It's not like I was trying to be unhappy, and I know most people don't just 'decide' they are going to be happy but I think I did. There is just no reason, for me, to be sad. Yes, some things could be better. There could be less of this, and more of that, But, in perspective, I'm young, it's summer, I'm getting paid to do really cool research, I get to be wacky and weird and see my best friends all the time, I get to write and jam out to music everyday. How could I not be happy?

It's best for your health to be happy. Stress takes years away from your life and who doesn't want to try to live into their hundreds? I know I sure do.

My current plan for being happy, though I really don't think about it like 'a plan', it more just happens:
1) people are stupid/annoying/rude/can't drive to save their lives
solution: laugh, smile, shake your head (either only in your head, silently, or out loud *if you are in your car for example). Don't get annoyed, just laugh it off. I've found, my own laugh makes me laugh so it's a good positive feedback loop.

2) Surround myself with positive things (that includes thoughts in your head)
I know I have triggers--websites, books, songs, people, that just don't make me very happy. So, I've decrease their role in my life. I've basically cut out facebook because I've found that no matter how happy I am, when I start scrolling through other people's lives I have a tendency to get sad or lonely. So why do it?
I'm my own worst critic, so I've dialed back the self criticisms. My weight's not great, but I'm eating healthier and doing exercise so why beat myself up over it?
Writing, listening to music and tumblr make me quite happy, so they have become daily activities.
Blasting music and singing like crazy makes me insanely happy. So, every time I get in the car you can bet the music will be turned on and my voice will be heard. (Today it was slightly raining, but there I was: windows down, song playing, singing along and smiling. I think one guy I was sitting next to in traffic was chuckling at me but I just smiled back at him and carried on with my singing. Because, why not?

3) Don't do things that don't make me happy
Though there are some exceptions (like waking up at 7am), it's a good rule. I sometimes will do things (like go to a party or some social event) because I feel obligated but why do that when I could be, say, sitting on the bleachers with my best friend? Usually these things that I feel like I have to do are minute and insignificant but still, cutting them out makes me, at least, feel better.

4) Switching things up
Three quarters of my day is set, and there really isn't anything I can do about that. I have to drive to work, be at work, then drive home. I can't really take a different route, so it's the same thing every day. I change that up with music and looking around at the people in the car's around me. BUT, I do have a say in what I do once I pull into the driveway, and not doing the same thing five days a week really makes a difference.

5) Making time for friends
Being tired after work decreased my desire to go out when I got home. But, seeing my friends is always fun and I can sleep when I'm old.

6) Smiling randomly
If I realize I'm lost in thought I will just start smiling and lightly laughing and think about things I'm looking forward too or recent adventures or anything happy.

A recommended song: Gone in the Morning by Newton Faulker

Until next time,
K

Ends of Friendships

Friendships.

I'm going to say a time old truth, I love my friends. Whether they be my childhood best friends (15 years and counting) or my college best friends who I know I will be friends with for the rest of our lives or the friends that I see once in a year parties solely because we have close mutual friends. I couldn't get through life without them. And one of the hardest things is losing a friend.

It's not particularly a topic I enjoy talking about, or even thinking about. It's just sad to think someone you haven't talked to in years used to your other half or a person you spent a majority of your days with. But summer means a few nights going through memory boxes and "facebook friends", which makes me nostalgic and contemplate all the friends I've lost touch with.

I've only ever moved once and my 'old house' is only about 30 minutes from my current one. However,    each summer since I was probably 14, I've done something away from home (camps, a college course, volunteering, a conference, etc.) that has brought me together with some really amazing people. Within the 3 or so weeks I was away at the new place, I would make really great friends. We would become inseparable and swear to never lose contact because we loved each other and, at the time, couldn't imagine going back to our real lives and not keeping in touch. (I always seemed to make friends that lived no where near where I lived, so visiting each other wasn't really an option). We would cry as we said goodbye, and, on average, we would be really close for a few months after we got home, then by a year and a half later, we would just be 'facebook' friends. There are a few exceptions, however, for the most part that trend holds true. It's sad. I understand gaining and losing friends is a fact of life, but that doesn't keep it from hurting, a lot. To my close friends I would mention how much I missed my newfound 'besties', but I don't think they ever understood what that meant. Other than if their parents were in the military (and moved around a lot), most of my friends had grown up in our area, with the same people, since age 4. It wasn't until graduation (and the months/year after it) that most of the people I knew felt that unfortunate feeling of losing touch with friends.

I've also been slightly unlucky with people moving away. I can count over 6 best friends I've had that moved away (and never 30 minutes in the same state, it was always long distances). And that distance was the only reason we aren't still best friends (because in all honesty, before you can travel on your own, it's quite hard to keep up friendships that require travelling. But in all honesty, while I still smile fondly at all those friends when I see they are doing something cool in college or when I go through picture albums, I might not be best friends with the girls I am today if it wasn't for people moving away and I can't imagine my life without my closest friends.

Unfortunately, even with all the goodbyes I've said, it's still hard (in the moment) to realize which goodbyes are (sadly) forever. Those goodbyes that signal  the last time we will be that close, the last time we would love each other as much as we do, the last time we would be anything more than acquaintances.  However, I think in the back of my mind, in my subconscious  I understand this fact. and that's why I would cry when I got on the plane home, or, as we hugged on the final day of camp/class. and maybe that's why my friends would cry, because they knew that sad fact.

With all this, it's also made me think about how people change. Sometimes  close friends just aren't similar anymore. I'm young and I don't completely know who I am or who I want to be yet. This time is all about change and sometimes personal changes mean leaving your old self behind, and thus, growing out of some friendships. Often times, this leaves room for new friends. It's the ebb and flow of friendships.

This knowledge makes hold onto my current friendships tightly. I realize that no matter how close you are, sometimes distance or time or personality changes or just life doesn't work out and friendships fade so make the most of them when you can. I've tried to decide if that is cynical, but it's not. I'm not saying all friendships will fade, there will be some that last your entire lifetime and others that will last for a few years.

This is a tangent from 'friendships ending'. So, I have a best friend who is one of the coolest people I've ever met and I know will do amazing things in her line of work. But I know after college, we probably won't be living in the same city or the same state. Actually, I'm very sure we will be at least 6 states away from each other. And it's scary to think of all the paths a friendships can take. I want our friendship to stay as it is, because we're a really good pair. But that friendships lies in our hometown. Through elementary school, middle school, high school, and college it will live and breath there. But after college, it won't have that common ground anymore, other than planned visits home for vacation. So what does that mean? How will we see each other? Will we become less close because we only see each other a few times a year? And while my head can panic and worry about losing her, I've decided worrying is not worth it. And here's why. When you have independence (when you can drive, or travel by yourself, or live on your own, or support yourself), and are more grown up, friendships are stronger and have more meaning, and, if this makes sense, they are easier to fight for. So, if we're feeling like we haven't talked in forever, we can skype, we can hop on a bus and meet half way, we can call or text or send letters. End of tangent.

All in all, I kind of wish all my experience with goodbyes might have made me slightly hardened/callus to them, but it hasn't. I'll still cry at goodbyes (even when I'm 99% sure they are not forever). I still hug the bejeezus out of people that I haven't seen in a while. I still think about friends I've lost touch with. Though I could go on, I'm done thinking about this topic for a while.

Until next time,
K 

Summer Bucket-lists and Life

I love summer. I also love fall and winter (don't ask me why but I'm not a big fan of spring), and (at least during the season) I love summer the most. Granted, I'm probably biased because summer means no school. Now that the real world is starting to creep up into my life, the relaxed summer days I love so much have been a little more scarce but that just increases my love for them.

Summer 2013.

It's begun. Well, it began a while ago but still. One thing I didn't do was create my "summer bucketlist". For the past 3 years I've created a list of things to do. And you know what? I never do most of the things on it. I used to think I was just boring and didn't do those things because I was lazy, or not social enough, or some other fault. But I've started to change my tune. It wasn't because I was any of those things (though yes, I do get lazy during the summer, and I'm not always as social as I should be). It was because my lists sucked. They were one stupid idea after another, with maybe one or two intelligent ideas stuck in here and there.

From my lists over the years:
"Draw with chalk on elementary school playground" Why would I go to a blacktop in the middle of the day (which would be blazing hot) to draw with chalk? Come on brain, you should know better.
"Wear a free hugs shirt for a week"
"Take a gnome from my friends house, take pictures with it where ever I go. Return it after a few weeks with pictures." That's creepy. Even though I was probably thinking about a close friend, that's still weird to take someone else things and take pictures of you with that borrowed item. The best part is A)I thought I would do this and B) I didn't come up with this one, I found it on a 'bucket-list' site somewhere.
"Wear mismatching, weird clothes out in public." Why past self, why? It's one thing to be confident, it's another to over express your weird jeans (get it, instead of 'genes' I wrote jeans, because we're talking about clothes. I'm actually slightly amused by my wit).
"Run down the street, yelling "the british are coming, the british are coming". Another one found online.
"Rawr at people".
"Be silent for a day". I still kind of want to do this. Just to see what's it's like to not speak for an entire 24 hours.

See, these things are just not good bucket-list material. And the worst part is, I thought they were good ideas and then I'd get to the end of the summer and had only crossed a few things off my list, which made my slightly disappointed. This is why I've come to the conclusion that summer bucket-lists (for me at least) are silly.

Who needs another list? I've been thinking recently about how much planning goes on in my head, how many checklists I run through each day, and it's impressively sad. I have all the things I have to do today. Then the things that have to be done by the end of the week. Then the things that need to be done 'soon'. The things before school starts. The things to get into grad school. The things to get me a paying job one day. Then this, then that. My life is not a checklist. I can't write this list, eventually check everything off and then I'm done. Well, I could do that but what a sad life that would be. I like being organized, I like being early to places, I like being in control, but that's not always an option in life. I don't want to know what the next 10 years of my life will look like, because if everything went according to my plan (the plan that the teenage me created), I'm sure I'd miss out on so much. I was listening to college graduation speeches the other day and, though I can't remember who said it, I remember them saying something along the lines of "the best things in life happen when you veer off the planned route". They weren't talking about a road trip or a journey in a new city where you get lost because you haven't found your way around. They were talking about life, and how things don't always work out, or don't work out the way you expected them to, but that divergence away from your original plan may lead to the best things in your life. The point being, there is such a thing as too much planning. And, in my current opinion, bucket-lists are part of that overplanning. Yes, it's good to have ideas of new things you want to do but they don't need to be confined to written down, nicely labeled list. I feel like if there are things I really want to try or do, I will remember them.

As I said, when I didn't cross all (or many) of the things off my lists I was slightly sad. I shouldn't have been, because it was probably best that I didn't do those bucket-list ideas, but I still was. This leads me to point that lists are confining. This might be just me but I know there were times, during past summers, when I would look at my list, have no desire to do any of those things, and so I wouldn't do anything. That might have just been the summer kicking in, but I think that, at the time, I felt that if all my ideas were on the list,  nothing else was worth doing, because if it had been, I would have written it down.

That being said (without thinking to indepthly on the subject of life), they are fun, silly things to do, especially when you have an entire summer without any major plans. I remember back in high school a few friends senior year create this bucket-list of things to do before graduation. I'll have to ask them how that went, last I remember (a few weeks before graduation) they weren't anywhere near done. I'd advise (if I have any right to advise on bucket-lists, which I probably don't) making a list that comes from your own head, that way there is more inclination to actually complete it because at one point or another you wanted to 'go in a hot air balloon' or 'walk through a drive-thru'.

Geez. That was definitely not the thought path I had envisioned when I titled this post (originally "summer, summer, summer") but I've been thinking a lot about life and I guess 'bucket-lists' were the backdrop on which my brain wanted to convey these thoughts. Maybe next time I'll actually write about my love for summer...

Until next time,
K

Day in the Life of an Intern

Since my job is 95 percent of my life right now, I've decided to write about it.

6:45am--wake up. Though I could sleep until 7:10, I've figured out that I'm more tired if I just get up early rather than drifting in and out of sleep until 7:10

7:30-7:40---turn on my ipod, make sure my badge is in the car, take off my shoes (I've found that driving without shoes (when I'm wearing flats for the day) is more comfortable, drive for 35-45 minutes

8:25(ish)--swipe into the lab, put my lunch away, turn on the computer,

8:30 to noon or 1: Check my cells (to see if they are ready to be passaged), which requires lab coat, gloves, and being completely awake. Check my email and, if I've was running any sequencing programs over night, check to see if they are done. Currently I usually stay at my computer until 10ish, working on my protein structure research, dealing with Macvector being stupid and closing unexpectedly and my sequencing/structure programs coming back with low confidence rates which requires me, and another woman, to find a new approach.
My other research resides in the lab, and currently we are simply creating the DNA to be experimented with. This leads to me doing PCR, incubation, centrifuging, and washing of the DNA, while being supervised sometimes which is quite nerve-wracking  The man I'm working with is super nice, but doing any task (let alone pipetting tiny amounts of liquids) while being watched is stressful. Plus, I'm an intern, so I'm (in my head) having to prove myself each day. With the lab work currently, there is a lot of waiting, which gives me time to work on my other research (the protein structure).

Around 12 or 1: lunch

until 5: either lab work or computer research. Each day is impressively different (making just that more stressful because I don't know what to expect, even after a month of working here), but it also makes it interesting.

5-5:10--walk through the hospital building (the main building at my work) to get to my car, say hello to the parking attendant (who is the nicest guy) as I pay the parking fee

5:10 to 5:50/6--driving. again, take the shoes off, roll down the windows, blast music, stay in the far lanes so I don't get killed by the nuts drivers driving on the 8 lane highway I take to/from work.

5:50/6: change out of work attire. I'm happy that I don't have to dress professional everyday! Jeans and nice shirts, or just t-shirts, or cardigans are what everyone wears. But still, it's june and while the lab isn't warm, walking to get to my car/sitting in my car gets hot with jeans on.

6-6:30--*on a good day*--biking, or running, or doing some sort of exercise  (I'm determined to go to the pool at least once after work but I'm not sure that will happen.

6:45 or 7: dinner, walking the dog, tv, tumblr/netflix, writing on this blog
(or go out with friends)

10: sleep.

and repeat.

Yes, I have begun to appreciate the weekends a lot more.

Until next time,
K

Book(s) of the day

It's absolutely gorgeous outside, it's sunny, 75 (which for nine o'clock means its going to be a hot day but still) and there is a slight breeze. If only I could spend the day at the beach or just reading by the pool and tanning and (since I don't tan well, aka I feel like I'm burning after two seconds) just reading to my hearts delight. I have work so that isn't going to happen. But if I was free I would probably be reading "Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance" or, possibly my newly acquired book of short stories by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

"Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance" is a book I've started twice. Not because it wasn't good, just because it never seems to end up on my 'summer must read list', so when summer comes around I start going through my list of books and always seem to forget about this one. This is a mistake on my part because this book is really good. I'm only 65 pages in so I don't have that much to judge on but it's very different from what I'm used to ready. Basically, the book is narrated by a man, who is going on a motorcycle trip with his two married friends and his son. The story is about his trip, but also he talks about the different perspectives of life and different ways of approaching life and the things (such as technology) that are part of life. I can't describe much more than that but I can say this book has influenced my way of thinking.

It might be because its the summer and summer is like my New Years day and I make resolutions for summer, or it could be it's just be coincidence but I've started what I call my 'new zen way of thinking". Mostly this entails not stressing as much (ultimate goal to not stress), not worrying about the future, doing things that make me happy, trying new things and not letting one task (like school work) take over my life. Whether or not the book 100% inspired my new thinking, I don't know. But regardless, it made me think about how I go about life, and that, I believe, means its a good book. (oh and it's not really about motorcycle maintenance. Believe me, I'm not a mechanically thinking type of person so if it was I'd be running and screaming the other direction haha). 

I'm ever seeking to find new F. Scott Fitzgerald's writings, since I have read all his books and many of his short stories. I found a new book that compiles some of his stories (that I haven't read) and it gives the original scripts (not the ones that were actually found in the Evening Post. I'm ecstatic to read it, though at my current rate of book reading, I won't get to it until August. I already know that I will love the stories because Fitzgerald knows how to write. I may be biased because I've loved his writing since 10th grade but still.

Until next time,
K

Things To Do (Part 1)

Why I've decided visiting my old school's bleachers at night is one of the best things to do when bored.

Yes, there are a few disclaimers. Don't break in. My high school's bleachers are easy to access and don't require finding unlocked doors that are supposed to be locked or jumping over fences. If it's considered trespassing, maybe reconsider. I, personally, think that it's 100% fine to visit the bleachers of your high school or college and one should not get in trouble for doing so. Police might have a different opinion. But really, if you are sober and not vandalizing or causing a noise disturbance, my bet is that the law enforcers (if, for some reason, they decided to patrol bleachers at night...) would just say go home. Also, if it's 'sketchy' or creepy, just be aware of your surroundings.

That being said, I have found a new love of chilling on bleachers at night. I think the original reason I convinced my friends it was fun to hang out at our old high school at night was because it makes me feel like I'm in a movie (like 'Perks of Being a Wallflower' or some 80s movie). And really, who doesn't want to feel like they are in a movie? I mean, it just sounds like something kids who were too-cool-for-school would do. And since I'm the opposite of too cool for school, it's fun feeling like someone else.

It's also something new and different. I live in the suburban part of a metropolitan area (aka outside of a city) and impressively, there is not much to do, especially at night. I feel like that is the case for most "young adults" (yes, I did just called myself a young adult and yes, I am chuckling at how weird that sounds) no matter where you live. So whenever my friends say 'what are we going to do?' I say 'I have an idea!' Granted I will only go with close friends. Currently, the football field at my old high school is being renovated, so pretty much the only thing to do is sit and talk on the bleachers (which, if with the wrong people, can get boring quite fast). If the field wasn't 55% mud right now, I could (and would) act like a five year old and do cartwheels or spin around in circles or just lay on the grass looking at the stars.

But, nonetheless, just sitting and talking is nice. It's a quiet, tranquil setting to either be goofy with my best friends or actually talk about important things. Plus, while I like being around people, sometimes its nice to be somewhere where there are only one or two other people. I have run into a few other people at the bleachers. Most of them were runners doing a late night run around the track, and the others were just groups of high school and early college kids just stopping by for a bit. But for the most part there are none.

I love being outside, but in the summer if I'm not near some source of water I can swim in, I'm usually not a happy camper. It's just too hot and too humid. In addition to my work, I just don't go outside and much as I would like. Bleachers are outside, and at 8 to 12 at night, it wavers between warm and cool, there are no bugs (gnats, mosquitos, etc) and the moon, when not hidden by clouds, is quite pretty.

Oh, and sitting high up in the bleachers is a must.

Until next time,
K

The Little Things in Life

Let's see how much more cliche I can get with titles. But, I'm in a 'lets state the obvious mood'. Or rather, my head's in a "let's finally realize the obvious", which translates to proclaiming to the world me new-found, not-originally-in-the-least idea. But at least they are true. The little things in life are insanely important. I'm a stressed person, a statement I should not be making before I'm at least 25. So, in recent weeks, I've decided that I won't be stressed. (My mom kind of laughed at the statement, and I'm sure my friends are going "mhm, let's see how long this will last"). But I'm going to be zen. Or transition to being zen. Currently in my life I really shouldn't be stressing about much, so I won't. One thing to do this is I've begun to focus on the little things that make me happy.

Music. It's the world's relaxant. A happy new discovery is that I can listen to music while I work. Granted, it's usually a 'one ear bud out' policy, and for a lot of my work I need to focus so much that I can't listen but when I'm just reading articles or studying/inspecting documents I've made, it's awesome. My current youtube playlist of choice is Aladdin, Imagine Dragons, Portugal the Man, of Monsters and Men, the Wicked soundtrack and Jukebox the Ghost. 100% upbeat and entertaining.

Driving. I have a love of my car + summertime + music playing + friends in said car. I have a long-ish commute and other than then fact that I get home at 6 (which I consider late) I enjoy it. It's a time where  there is only one thing to focus on. Driving. That's it. I'm in no rush, I'm playing my favorite music (and rediscovering my favorite music as my iPod plays on shuffle), and it's comical how bad people drive.

Seeing old friends. Even though I love them to death, I don't make always enough time for my non-college friends when I'm at college. We text a lot, but often don't skype/call nearly enough. Summertime is a necessary for 'making up for lost time'.

Playing cards with my parents. Lame, oh I know, though I beg to differ. Granted it helps that my mom has no luck at all in cards, so it's basically just between my dad and I but still. It's genuinely fun. It's not that we don't do stuff together (because I probably spend more time with my parents than 5 of my friends combined spend with theirs). Cards at night is just fun.

Just a few more (though the list is never ending): Laying in (a residential, no cars) road at night, catching fireflies, talking about life for hours outside ice cream shops, staying out late, making lemonade, watching bad movies and just laughing at them or just talking right through them, all with friends of course.

Oh and reading. I can't live without reading books and poetry and blogs and newspapers and old letters.

Until next time,
K

Why I should live by the ocean (or any swimmable body of water)

It's friday!

Let's play out my ideal friday during the summer:
Get up at 9 or 9:30, have breakfast, go to the beach, swim, listen to music, read, tan (responsibly), drive home with my hair still wet and my ipod on shuffle, have dinner, go on tumblr or write a bit or just watch tv, then sleep (all with or without the company of friends/family). It sounds like perfection. (It's making me just smile thinking about it).

Here's my actual friday:
Get up at 6:45, drive for 45 minutes, work, drive home at 5 (or 4:50, since it's friday), then either
A) run (blehhhh), eat dinner, sleep since I'm dead tired from work
B) hang out with friends (with whom I love dearly, but on fridays, my tiredness kind of hinders my ability to be social)
C) collapse on the couch when I get home, eat dinner, watch tv/waste time on the internet, sleep. (Yes, indeed, I am a sloth somedays).
Today I think my choice is C, but I'm not excited for it. I want to go to the beach. Terribly badly. Desperately. (Currently my head is spinning on if it will be possible at all this summer for visit a beach for a few days. and the idea that I won't just makes me sad) I take that back. During my trip to the west coast, I will spend most of my week at the beach. I love my beach. It's a rock beach though, and we'll be luckily if the temperature outside reaches 75. Even more unlikely is the appearance of sun. So, while I love that beach, it's not the ideal 'sandy, warm' beach experience.

When I think of summer, and I do think of summer a lot, I imagine a few things: fireflies, barbecues, pool visits, beaches with waves, tanning, reading books while sipping lemonade out of mugs (I have a love for drinks in mugs), writing for hours on my bed in the afternoon, beaches, long car rides with the windows down and music playing, midnight adventures with people I've known forever, beaches, and more beaches.

But, I don't live near a beach. I, thankfully, live on the coast so the possibility of beach trips exist, however, the time it takes to get to a decent beach minimizes the amount of times I go. Plus, I've got no siblings to drag with me (and I do say drag because, while I say I'll read at the beach (and I might for a few minutes), I'm the one that is in the water 99% of the time and like other people to accompany me. What is the point in going to the beach if you are just going to sit on your towel?). While I'm fine (even happy) with being alone all day, my parents are often under this idea that I'll get kidnapped, or (and I guess this makes a bit of sense), start drowning with no one there to save me. Most of my friends have jobs, or are going to summer courses, so scheduling an evening together is hard enough, let alone an entire day. Ignoring the minor problem of who to go with, the next issue is where to go? I've googled beaches within 2 hours of my house, beaches in my state, beaches this, beaches that. I've found a few, and every time I get so happy. I start imaging my relaxing, picturesque beach day (like I'm starting to right now) and my hopes start getting higher and higher. I then start going through my list of beaches, reading reviews, looking at images, and slowly crossing the 'bad' beaches off. Then, with the few remaining hopefuls, I look at how long it would take to get there (though I'm up for a 2 hour drive, other members of my family don't believe it's worth it). Now I've only gotten to this next stage once, actually visiting the beach I found online.

Oh. Lord.

It was, at the time and now, comical. You know when bad trips or ideas come to fruition and basically nothing really works out and it gets to the point where you just find yourself laughing and shaking your head? That is exactly what happened. Let me recount this funny journey last august. I had been thinking about the beach since my awesome beach trip in june. (Just imagine nice sandy beaches, not too crowded, 80s and sunny. An entire week of getting up mid morning, walking outside the condo onto the beach, staying there for the day (swimming, reading), or going to the pool first and then going to the beach, with your best friends. Great right?). I knew my beach day trip wasn't going to compare but I had hope. It was a wednesday, and my mom wanted to go with me (I think she was worried I'd get lost driving there, almost drown, get saved by a kidnapper, and never return home). That was fine, I love my mom and she's fun to be around. The beach chosen is about an hour away, without traffic. We left late enough that we missed most of rush hour traffic going in though. It's hot (95 I think) outside without not a cloud in sight. It's slightly humid and gross but it wasn't raining, so I wasn't complaining. We get there, my hopes still high, and we park the car. I can already see a school bus or two (summer camp kids...). We unload all our stuff (umbrella, towels, etc.) and it's so windy. You'd think it would cool the air off but, impressively no. It's windy and humid and hot. We leave the umbrella in the car and  when we get to the beach we put heavy stuff on all the towels so they don't fly away.

I'm still hopeful. Even though the beach is orange. Not "oh the sand has a tinge of orange color". Nope. The entire beach (manmade of course) was this slightly dark burnt orange color. Odd.

We put on sunscreen, and three things come into view: the clouds that solely decrease my ability to tan (again this change in weather does nothing to alter the hot temperature), the huge slightly ugly bridge that is quite close to the beach (we knew it was there before, we just began to see how much it just kind of stuck out like a sore thumb in the water) and then I start seeing yellowjackets (the insects) and gave them the evil eye. Bees are cute, yellowjackets are just mean and should not exist. I think there might have been mosquitos too. Still, I was happy to be at the beach. Kind of. My mom and I both were just ignoring all these little things, that when taken alone, are fine. Clouds aren't ideal but you can deal. Ugly beach sand, it's unfortunate but not a factor that will drive you away from the beach.

Now, it time to go in the water. It has a sandy muddy bottom, and as you get out it's more mud than sand. I like mud (I always have) but sometimes it just feels weird to have your feet sinking into the bottom and not know what is residing in that mud. My mom dislikes muddy bottoms so she wasn't too thrilled but I think (though I honestly can't remember) that the water was an okay temperature. So we waded in. And then the last nail in the coffin came. Jellyfish.

I hate jellyfish.

Here begins my jellyfish tangent. No, I don't hate them. I just am slightly afraid that I'm going to die in their tentacl-y grasps. It's irrational, I know. My first time at the beach was when I was about 2 months old (and I go in oceans with jellyfish more than 5 times a year), I'm still alive. I've even gotten stung by nettles (what we call the jellyfish in the ocean/bay near where I live) and by some west coast jellyfish/diatom multiple times. I have seen a man-of-war, a lion's mane (yes, they are huge and there tentacles are really thick: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Largelionsmanejellyfish.jpg), and some purple thailand jellyfish  (I swam as fast as I could the other way). Granted, all those jellyfish probably wouldn't kill me, but they still freak me out. I make an exception for completely clear, completely harmless jellyfish (like comb jellies). they are cute and fun to touch. But back to the point, nettles (which are the jellyfish at the beach) hurt and who wants to feel a stinging feeling for a good portion of the day? no one.

So, with the couple next to us getting stung, we decided to call it quits. By this time we were just listing all the things that were 'unfortunate' about the beach, and laughing.

We did buy icecream cones from the beach vendor, so that was nice. But to drive, in total, over two hours to go to a beach with orange sand, too many people, yellowjackets, an ugly view of a huge bridge, muddy bottom, and jellyfish is not worth it.

My mom hoped that would stop me in search of a beach to spend my days at. I gave up for that summer, but, as I'm writing this, my desire to find a good beach has returned. It's a quest! I mean, there has to be a decent beach closer than 3 hours away. Luckily for her, for most of the summer I will be working 5 days a week so I will just pester about it on the weekend and once mid august gets here. But, I'm determined, and I will find one!

Now I'm day dreaming about my imaginary days at the beach. Ah, that would be nice. Who wouldn't love getting home from work (or driving straight from work), and spending an hour or so at the beach? It honestly seems perfect. It's relaxing, it's easy exercise, it's needed sunlight (or Vitamin A), and it makes summer feel like summer.

My closest thing to a beach is the pool. I like the pool. My pool is three streets away from my house. But, and this 'but' keeps me away from the pool. I don't like the lifeguards. they are the people that I wasn't too fond of back in high school, that there are always middle schoolers that splash and just act like annoying middle schoolers, and going to the pool by myself just has not been my thing. It just has never appealed to me. I'll do movies, walks, mall visits, beach trips, etc etc by myself, but not the pool. What is there to do by yourself, other than swim laps? Laps are no fun for long periods of time.

All in all, I just need to live by a beach.

Until next time,
K

The Beginning.

From journals to scraps of paper to blogs to school assignments I've written a good portion of my life and thoughts down. But lately, writing has been pretty much nonexistent in my life. Which is, as I am realizing, terrible. On my computer, within the last 6 months I have written barely a poem or two, many two line "hopefully one day" short stories, and reflections about how I need to write more. But between school and, now, work, I'm drained. Writing takes time and thought and energy. After a day of thinking, creating new people and thoughts is, sadly, the last thing my brain wants to do. And if I do  feel the thread of creativity within me, it's usually at 12 am, as I'm about to fall asleep and my computer is shutting down.

But this blog is, hopefully, going to be my reason to write. I shouldn't need one. But, I do. I have until late august (and possibly past that) to simply write whatever comes into my head on a 'daily' basis, with the word daily being lax, because I know with work and attempting to have a social life, my computer doesn't get turned on every day.

So, here's to the beginning. Beginnings are hard. I know from experience  First days of school are often painful. The first few hours of meeting a new person is often awkward (even if you become best friends with them later). The beginning of diets is painful. The beginning days of running after a hiatus is even more painful. Many stories don't get written because that pesky beginning just won't cooperate and sometimes that little mind blank causes one to put down the pen (or close that word document) completely. The point being, we know beginnings are difficult, so why put so much pressure? Especially in writing. We always improve. If you write a mediocre beginning, and then keep going with the story, you come back and fix the first few paragraphs or pages. In a blog, like this, after a few weeks, you just kind of shake your head and laugh at the first few posts. Basically, that's my excuse or reason (whichever you prefer) to not save this as a 'draft' five times, to no really go back and do major edits. I'm just going to write. Since it's past my bedtime (solely mandate by my 6:45 wake up), that may not be the best plan, but nonetheless, I'm sticking to it.

Speaking of beginnings, I've had a lot recently. I just started a new job. Though the commitment was hard to get used to (my first all day, five days a week job), everything else is going well. I've met a lot of people, don't eat lunch by myself (which is always an accomplishment in my book), been on top of pretty much everything, and have embraced my long commute by rolling the windows down, blasting music and belting at the top of my lungs (though my chorus teacher would cringe at notes coming out of my mouth, it's really fun). I honestly think people in the cars around me think I'm nuts because a) I smile the entire drive like a crazy person (unless it's raining, because people do not know how to drive in the rain and that dampers my mood a bit) and b) my mouth is always open so I probably look like a fish. but either way, I love it. Not only have I  gained a new love for the song "american pie", but interspersed with my singing, it's just "me time". I get to think. and think. and think. and there are no interruptions, other than focusing on the road of course. I swear some cars' who's sole goal has to get in an accident because goodness people swerve in and out and don't signal and I could go on but won't. Another new thing is my running, but we won't discuss that either because (currently) it's still a painful exercise that I have to get used to again. I will say one thing, I didn't think I could hate running more than I did at high school track practice but, those initial minutes of running, after getting home from work at 6 and being dead tired, take the cake in my dislike for the sport. I've cut back on facebook, something I should have done a while ago. It's never been a real time sink for me but instead of daily, I check it once or twice a week (not a huge change but it's something). And lastly, going away from processed food. this has been my hardest beginning, I think. Since I'm still attempting it, I'd say yes. I'm making bread over the weekend, and have cut out a major chunk of processed food from my diet. It's hard making your food from scratch but it does taste better.

Well this isn't as long as I would like but the time on my computer screen says I must stop here.

Until next time,
K